Q&A: I feel addicted to guys

Some girls have emailed or message me recently with questions about their struggles. After writing them back, I thought I’d share their questions along with what I wrote in response. I believe many women have similar struggles and would benefit from them.

photo credit: Petits-Pixels

If you have questions, please feel free to message me. I’ll try my best to respond to you. Your questions also help me with what topics I should blog about since sometimes I run out of ideas, so would appreciate the help! By the way, I won’t reveal your identity and will respond to you personally first.

Question:
I feel addicted to relationships with guys and it has been bothering me a lot. I see myself getting attached to celebrities. It used to be with guys I was around but since I’m not around that many guys anymore I’m feeling attracted to celebrities. This feels disgusting to me. My weakness feels so gross to me.
Continue reading “Q&A: I feel addicted to guys”

Looking for a Best Friend: The True Answer to Loneliness

Christ bore the Cross, suffered and died in order to tear the veil, close the gap between the Father and us: His beloved Bride, God’s beloved sons and daughters. We have been adopted, grafted back into our family, our true family, the only perfect family with parents that love us with perfect unfailing unconditional love. Back to our compassionate, patient, just and true Brother.

photo credit: Rogue30

Hollywood and the Enemy tells us the answer is in man. So we seek after man to be our best friend, our spouse, our Father. Most of us are looking for the right man, the perfect friend, the best mentor, the person who can FINALLY take the place of that broken friendship or parent that let us down so badly or was never there.When we give man the right to sit upon the throne of our hearts, we give ourselves to disappointment, pain, torment and confusion. It is only when Christ sits upon the throne of our heart, that everything else in our lives fall into the right place. This is the only place everything else other than God should fall into our lives: Christ as the source, the center, our all and everything else secondary. Continue reading “Looking for a Best Friend: The True Answer to Loneliness”

Prayer to Prepare: Praying for Your Future Spouse & GIVEAWAY!

One of the memorable things that helped me prepare for marriage was an older lady in my community who mentored me for a short season. In that time, she taught me that you don’t just have to pine away, twiddling your thumbs until “he (or she)” shows up. There are very practical ways to receive God’s grace to prepare for marriage. 

In the next few weeks I’m going to be posting more on how to practically prepare for marriage and also more on what the Lord has taught me during my first year of marriage. I hope it will bless all my precious brothers and sisters who are currently single and have a desire to prepare for marriage. If you have questions and ideas for what you would like for me to post, please feel free to email me (sunnyhu7@gmail.com). I would REALLY appreciate the extra input! It also gives me an opportunity to hear from you! My precious readers. 🙂 

So to start off, I wanted to share a prayer. My spiritual mom and mentor Becky recently started a prayer group for single women in our community to pray together for their future spouse. 

Prayer is a great way to prepare your heart for marriage. Not only does prayer draw you closer to the Lord but it will also softens your heart towards men (women). Many singles, especially those who are a bit older tend to carry a lot of wounds which oftentimes results in bitterness from previous relationships. This was true for me. 

Though not hopeless (far from it!), these wounds easily fester and cause us to despise the other sex. Prayer, especially to bless our brothers (sisters) will not only tenderizes our hearts to receive God’s goodness, presence and help which we need but also His love for our brothers (sisters)! 

Below is the prayer Becky drafted with the ladies in the group to pray over the men in our community. I encourage you to take time every day to pray for the men in your life and in your own community using the prayer below. Feel free to dialogue with the Lord and script this prayer to your liking or however the Lord leads you. I would also encourage you to write your own prayer to encourage your heart to trust in God’s goodness. Oftentimes it’s a struggle to believe He does have someone for you and to wait with faith, that’s why it’s SO important to call our hearts to the TRUTH through prayer. 

Men, take time to adjust this prayer to bless the women in your community to prepare your heart as well! You can even pray this over yourself! 

GIVEAWAY: my very first! so pay attention! email me the prayer you write up for yourself whether that be for greater trust in God’s goodness or even your prayer for the women in your community. I will pick one prayer and post it to share it with others. The prayer I pick will receive a free Jesus Calling devotional. So get writing and praying! (deadline will be next Friday at midnight)

Lord, bless the men in this community and keep them. Make Your face to shine upon them and be gracious to them. Lift up Your countenance upon them and give them peace. Bless them with wisdom, courage and strength in their inner man. Bless them with favor and provision. Bless them with godly counsel and fellowship. Cause them to mature in the knowledge of Your love as their father, enabling them to be godly men and sons of God. Free them from fear of failure and fear of men and women. Free them from any and every bondage. May they abide in Your truth. Heal them from all wounds. Protect them from wrong relationships. Remove the veil in Your perfect timing and let them pursue in confidence. Give them dreams and speak to them. Anoint them to pursue the wife that You desire for them.

One of the Most Beautiful Love Stories: Dustin’s Parents

When Dustin shared with me his parent’s love story, I was deeply touched. I’ve been trying to get a hold of the article Dustin’s mom, Barbara, wrote for a contest in the Ladies’ Home Journal. As a result of winning the essay contest, her and Dave, Dustin’s parents won a trip to London to meet Margaret Thatcher in addition to many other wonderful prizes. Below is the story. Read it and you’ll see. God writes the best love stories. 

I couldn’t help but tear up as I finished the article. This is the Bridegroom heart of God for us. He is not easily angered, but so patient in loving and washing us with His love and Word. So faithful in convincing us of the truth, we are His beloved. 

p.s. I’m going to Chicago for a week, then to Minnesota for another support raising trip so I’ll be M.I.A for the next two weeks. I’ll try to post when I can…maybe just some instagram photos. Blessings to you all and pray for our trip if you feel led! 

Why Did It Not Work Out With Him/Her?: My Take

Every one of us find ourselves asking that exact question after a breakup or when things don’t work out as “planned” with that individual. I’ve asked it. Both my guy and girl friends have found themselves asking this question internally, vertically and out-loud…sometimes very loud. 

So why did it not work out? I mean everything seemed perfectly set up for success. He/she liked me (or so I thought) and I them. We both love the Lord. We both enjoy the same coffee shop, share similar taste in clothes, books, food, music, art, etc. Even our values lined up! So how did it just self-combust like that right before my eyes? 

Well young cricket. Pull up a bamboo leaf and I shall bless you with my wisdom….haha (j/k).

Actually, through a mix of observations, hearing friends’ stories and the Holy Spirit, I feel the reason is, there was just no grace for it. The Lord did not give that individual (you were madly attracted and perhaps also in love with) grace to love you just like how you don’t feel grace to like certain people who REALLY like you. 

Ok thanks. That doesn’t really help? Well I think it really does because it relieves you of the stress and pressure you feel from the enemy that you’re the one to blame. 

Most of us walk away from broken relationships…..well, broken. The enemy has a field day with us and taunts us with His lies and accusations of his take on why it didn’t work out. Usually he uses the tactic that’s worked for hundreds of years, he blames you. And sadly, many of us take the bait.  

Even if there are character issues and areas of maturity you need to grow in, the Lord doesn’t just tell you what’s wrong with you and then make you fix yourself on your own (Matt. 23:4, Ps. 34:18). He gives us grace for transformation through gazing at His glory and getting to know Him intimately (2 Cor. 3:18). He is faithful to lead us to all truth (John 16:13). 

So my point is, stop blaming yourself. The devil is a liar and he puts lies in our heads with the pronoun, “I.” Example: “I am ugly, I am fat, I am dumb.” He doesn’t go, “you are stupid.” He’s a bit more sneaky than that. 

Instead of agreeing with the lies of the enemy, run to the truth, the person of Christ Jesus. The problem is not you. The problem is who you’re giving your attention to, the devil or God? 

We are in a war and that’s why the enemy’s after you. We’ve got to realize this and learn to fight rather than believe that our lives doesn’t influence what’s going on in the spiritual realm. We’ve been given weapons, the sword of God’s truth to wield. By the simple act of proclaiming out loud, “God is good and He has good plans for my life,” despite how you feel, you’re blowing up demons and tearing down strongholds! 

I heard this quote by David Platt recently, “What we want in suffering: an explanation from God. What we receive in suffering: a revelation of God.”  

The revelation of God is worth so much more than a boyfriend, husband or wife. Though I often forget this truth, when once the glory of God touches me, the moment my eyes are open to another facet of the beauty of God or His love for me, I can die happy. Seriously! The true rewards of life is not the love of a man or a woman, but the love and revelation of God. 

Abba, help us, your beloved children to come to You with our brokenness, questions and wounds. We proclaim that only You can heal, only You can fill that gap that is crying out in our hearts. 

Practicals: when you hear the enemy accuse you with those “I am_________” lies, ignore him. Don’t pay attention to his worthless lies. Rather turn your attention to Christ by proclaiming in faith His truth: “I am His beloved, He is always with me. He has plans to bless me, not to harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future.” Keep doing it and watch the lies flee!

How God Improved My Mr. Right List

I used to be the a-typical Christian girl. What I was looking for in a male counterpart was: anointing, passion for Jesus, provision/comfort and good looking. I thought that wasn’t too much to be asking and believed that would satisfy me. Boy was I wrong! 

I just want to share my mistakes with you in hopes of preventing unnecessary pain if it hasn’t already taken place. If it has, no worries. I’m proof that you’ll live and be blessed by those painful experiences somehow because God is bigger than our mistakes and He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I am living proof of that promise! 

So let me take you on a little journey of how God blew my “Mr. Right” list out of the waters. 

  1. X-ing anointing off my list

I was drawn to my first boyfriend by his anointing when he preached. He was a charismatic and anointed speaker. As if that wasn’t enough, he was good friends with other anointed young leaders. 

During the short period we dated, I felt most comfortable with him when he was preaching and not so much when it was just the two of us hanging out. Don’t get me wrong, the man is a great guy who truly loves the Lord. But he just wasn’t for me. 

The Lord through my spiritual dad at the time invited us to give it up. His words were, if this guy hears so clearly from God about everything but hasn’t been able to hear from God about our relationship, then we need to call it quits. 

I couldn’t believe my ears! I was devastated. My plan was to only date the guy I was going to marry! But God didn’t go by the storyline I laid out for Him, He had better plans for His beloved daughter. 

Later on, after we broke up, God told me, “you didn’t love him, you loved his anointing.” Ouch! I began to see that I longed for what my ex had with the Lord which I myself didn’t have at the time, an intimate relationship with the Lord. I hardly could hear God’s voice back then. I actually fell in love with his relationship with the Lord rather than who he is as a person. 

Even as I’m writing this, the Lord is helping me realize that what I really was looking for was proof to show the world that I’m desired, wanted and loved. At the time, I wanted so badly to be valued that a preacher/pastor whom everyone adored seemed like just the ticket out of the worthlessness I felt towards myself. 

  1. X-ing out comfort and looks off my list 

With my second boyfriend, I was drawn to him by his looks and the comforts his life offered. At the time, I had grown lonely, discouraged and lost. I was struggling as a missionary to live off the support I was getting which was barely enough for me to live on. I was asked to step down as a worship leader which is one of my main callings. I didn’t have any close friends in the community. I was miserable. I felt discouraged, lost and lonely. 

Then he came along. His life seemed exciting. He was from a different country, lived a different type of life. He had friends who were children of famous singers, senators and wealthy individuals. He seemed nice, cute, friendly and funny. 

By this time, I was growing in my ability to hear God’s voice and He told me very directly, “NO!” when I was praying about this relationship. It was so clear that I dismissed it, believing that I couldn’t hear God that clearly. Oh, aren’t we funny creatures?

That summer, my then boyfriend bought me a ticket for me to visit him in his country in order to get to know his friends, family and church, basically to see if I would feel comfortable potentially moving there. It was pretty serious in my mind. 

I felt happy and excited about my life again! During my visit to his country, we went to a concert where one of his friends and the friend’s dad performed. We went to nice places and restaurants with his other friend who was constantly followed by a group of bodyguards. His other friends we visited lived in houses that had servants who made their meals, outdoor pools and beautiful gardens. It was the life! And I thought I wanted that life. 

But after that summer, I was in pain. Despite his good looks and the comforts of his life, my second ex didn’t treat me with kindness nor with respect. I wasn’t able to understand at the time that this was the reason why I felt depressed after leaving his country, why I dreaded talking to him on Skype. It’s sad, but I didn’t know what it was like to be treated with kindness and respect, but I felt that something was wrong. Later that year, we broke up. 

I began to see that there was an ache for the Lord in me, for a deep relationship with Him, to do what He has called me to do because joy, love and peace is not found in circumstances, a location or material wealth, it’s a person, it’s Jesus Christ. 

Even through the dark times, if I just have God, there’s light that shines through and lifts me up to where He is, the fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16).  God revealed to me, that He’s put a seed of desire in me, that above my desire for a husband, despite how gut wrenching and painfully deep this desire was, dwelt an even deeper, much more ravenous desire for God, my true Bridegroom. 

Learning to let the Lord Wash My Feet: Meeting My True Love

The following summer I kept crying out to the Lord asking Him why?! Why did that relationship happen and why did it fall apart? Why did I have to endure the pain and suffer?! Why was I so blind! The Lord’s response to me was, let me wash your feet. I broke down crying, knowing that I’ve pushed Him away in my shame, trying to reconcile in my own heart why I despised God’s will, His ways and leadership. I saw my nature, that I did not in fact innately love who He is and His ways. 

Before this second relationship, though I confessed with my mouth, I did not believe in my heart that I was a sinner. And now the evidence of who I truly am stared straight at me, condemning me. I am a sinner in need of Christ to wash me clean and redeem me by His blood. I felt as if I was being saved for the second time. 

In the midst of the pain of the single season or any other painful times in our lives, what we need the most is to allow the Lord to wash our feet. We hold so tightly to our expectations, our desired results and what we want the Lord to do all the while we are not allowing Him to minister to our hearts that is crying out for Him. 

When the Lord began to give me the grace to let Him serve me, to let Him be my God, be the protector and defender of my heart, be the One who brings Mr. Right onto the scene at the time He sees fit, I started on the path towards finding my identity, worth and self-respect. He revealed to me that what I desired above all else in a husband, was Christ-likeness not the shallow things this world tempts me to believe I desire. 

Do we truly believe that God is good? Or do we think that He’s like our dad, our ex-boyfriend, brother or others who have hurt us? 

Lord help us let You wash our feet. Give us the grace to be vulnerable and let You serve us as You served the disciples. We want to be a part of You. 

“‘Lord, are You washing my feet?” Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”  John 13:6-8

Dear Singles: Do Not Grow Weary

Right after my sister Grace had passed away I went through a confusing and discouraging season. I didn’t really know how to deal with the grief and felt so raw and vulnerable that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with others. So, I did what I felt most comfortable doing, I started chatting with a guy friend online. 

Online chats seems so much less intimidating. You’re not face to face with that person, you have time to collect your thoughts and craft your words, even formulate witty jokes and retorts which you are not capable of in normal everyday conversations. I can conveniently and comfortably nestle in my chair in the privacy of my own room while carrying on a conversation. But the whole time I was engaged in conversing with this friend, I knew it was wrong but it made me feel so much better, even if it was only for an hour. 

What made it even more difficult to pull myself out of the seductive portal of chatting online with my friend, was the pressure I was putting on myself and I felt from others to “grieve well.” Sometimes when we’re not doing well, it can feel like the whole world is a jury witnessing our every failure and every little fault, when in fact no one’s really watching, or at least a lot less amount of people than we believe.

Finally, the conversations got to a point where I had to face the truth that was constantly looming over my head despite the fact that I was being somewhat comforted. I knew nothing would ever come out of our interactions and that he wasn’t someone I wanted to really get involved with, neither was I someone he truly wants to be with anyways.  So I made the decision to stop chatting with him. 

Then came the difficult period afterwards where he wouldn’t let me cut off contact with him. But I persisted despite how I felt and how I longed for the temporary comforts the online conversations offered me. 

Then my spiritual father gave me a prophetic word during that season of persevering in what I knew was right, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart” Galatians 6:9.

I cried upon hearing those words. That exhortation and promise from the Word encouraged me to continue looking to the Lord to strengthen me to not grow weary in doing good. In due time, I will reap good fruits and I have! 

I’m so thankful today to God’s goodness in guiding me out of bad relationships, leading me to the best man He prepared for me that I don’t deserve. Sometimes I look at my life and I don’t know how I ended up here! I feel so blessed, loved and taken care of by my Heavenly Father. Without the goodness of the Lord, I could not have ended up where I am now. This is the same Father who cares for you today!

I want to encourage all my single brothers and sisters out there, do not grow weary while doing good, for in due season you shall reap a good harvest! God is a good God and is faithful to begin what He has started in you. He is willing, happy and able to help you in your current struggles. He is faithful to give you the best that can’t be fabricated and crafted by the hands and minds of man no matter how charming and gifted we are. 

I also wanted to share this experience with you because I want to encourage you that it’s not only when we perform perfectly and never falter that we can receive God’s gifts such as a blessed marriage. 

At times when I was still single without any hint of me ever getting married, I would agree with the lie that I’ve failed too many times for the Lord to redeem me. When in fact the Lord is much much much more powerful than our weaknesses. I noticed that I would give into agreeing with the lies of the enemy when:

  1. I felt shame which is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior (google dictionary)
  2. I believed that God was mad at me
  3. I felt that I can’t bother God with my petty issues that I myself know what to do
  4. I believed that I knew better: basically condemning and accusing myself, agreeing with the demons accusing me that I’m dumb and stupid and that I should be able to fix myself without God’s help 
  5. I felt alone and that God was not with me 
  6. I didn’t understand the gospel and what Christ has made available to me and what He  paid for on the Cross 

But the truth of who God is draws us to Him, the source of healing, redemption, salvation, love and comfort we need everyday in order to be a Christian:

  1. We are pure, sinless and can approach Him: “knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Roman 6:6-11
  2. He will never leave nor forsake us: “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
  3. We have received the spirit of adoption, we are now His beloved children not orphans that needs to beg for attention and be tormented by fear: “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”” Romans 8:15
  4. He desires that we come to Him: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30
  5. We are beautiful and a delight to Him despite our struggles: “I am very dark, but lovely.” Song of Solomon 1:5

Lord, help us today to come to You just as we are with our brokenness and burdens to find rest once again in The Gospel. You have paid for our sins, we have been redeemed, washed white as snow. We are no longer slaves to sin, but sons and daughters of the Most High God. 

 

Recommended Book: Stepping Heavenward

I couldn’t wait to share this book with you guys! I came across Stepping Heavenward while reading Elizabeth Elliot’s newsletter article on feminism. At the end of her article, she recommended this book by Elizabeth Prentiss.

Although Prentiss published Stepping Heavenward in 1869, its contents are still very applicable to our lives today. In Stepping Heavenward, Prentiss tells the story of a girl named Katherine (Katy) and the struggles she faces in her process of becoming a godly woman. The book tells Katy’s story through her journal entries. 

Through my reading of Stepping Heavenward, I was encouraged in my own walk with the Lord. In the main character Katy, I saw someone very much like myself, a girl maturing into a woman through facing conflicting desires in her heart for God and for the world. I was glad to discover that I’m not alone in my worries, struggles, fears, pain and doubts. The answers you found that lifted her gaze to Christ and drew her closer to who He really is built up my faith and confidence in the love of God as well. 

This book is actually available both on iBooks and google books for FREE! You can most likely find a copy in your public library too if you don’t want to purchase it. I hope you get a chance to read it. Let me know how you like it if you do!