Dustin’s been reading “Final Quest” by Rick Joyner this past week, a book about Rick’s encounter with the Lord. Every time he shares something from the book that touched his heart, the Holy Spirit began to awaken something in me.
The main thing that touched my heart the most is how the Lord showed Rick how man cannot do anything. There is no good in man apart from God. Yet Rick himself and many others he came across during the encounter, believers who have passed onto the other side, tried so much during their time on earth to love and serve God without God’s help, which is as good as filthy rags before the Lord
I cannot help myself from feeling a deep sadness as Dustin shared with me these excerpts that touched him. When looking at how I want to love the Lord compared to where I currently am and seemingly always stuck in, I feel like giving up. I want to get out of this rut of always falling short of giving God my best….but I don’t know how. I’ve read the Bible, I’ve prayed, I’ve listened to sermons, I’ve had others pray for me…one thing I failed to do continuously is to simply come to the Lord and ask Him to help me love Him.
It’s a challenge, I have to admit, to ask God for help. Then to let Him help me. I’m a really independent woman. I’ve been taught since I was young to be self-sufficient. That things are done best when you do it yourself. I mean, you’re looking at a girl who took an international flight by herself at the age of twelve! But this is the main area God’s been putting His finger on this summer….well ok, maybe my whole entire walk with Him, to ask Him for help and to let Him help me.
So last night, before I went to sleep, I asked the Lord to help me…help me love Him. This morning I had a vivid and profound dream. At first I didn’t realize what had happened, but after washing up for the day, I suddenly remembered the dream.
In the dream I saw my sister Grace right in front of me. She was so real, I saw her smile, her cheeks that always gathered when she smiled. I asked her what she was doing here, half knowing she’s not on this earth anymore, but also half knowing that she is very much alive and with the Lord right now. She didn’t say anything, but handed me something, something that’s hers. Though I forgot what exactly she gave me, I remembered that it blessed me and brought joy to my heart in the dream.
As I journaled and prayed about the dream, asking the Lord what it was about, He opened my eyes to see that He had answered my prayer the previous night through the dream. Through the dream, He gave me the “grace” to love Him.
The most difficult thing about following Christ, is that it is by grace we are saved, not by our own works. It’s so simple that we don’t do it. It’s so against our nature that we despise it. Oh God, help us receive Your grace and ask You to help us in all things. We need You more than we know.