I took a break from blogging simply because I was raising support and out of town a couple of times over the summer and also I started to feel overwhelmed by the positive feedback I was getting.
You would think that positive feedback would cause me to post more, but instead I kinda froze with an awareness of the fact that: 1) people actually read my blog 2) my words are affecting the lives of others. So I kinda ran away for a little bit.
The truth is, I’m a weak person who is desperately in need of God every moment of my life. I know you (my readers) are not expecting me to fix all your problems but for some reason, (I think it’s a female tendency to desire to be all things to everyone) I felt pressured to and the truth is I can’t and you’re not expecting me to. (huge sigh of relief)
I still need to be constantly reminded that Christ alone saves, heals and restores. I can’t do anything apart from Him and He does not expect me to fix people’s lives. But He has spoken words of life to me which bless you, my readers, in your struggle and your walk with the Lord from the emails and facebook messages I’ve received from you.
So…………..I’m going to post more. Not as much as before cause that was getting a bit overwhelming and I’m going on part-time staff at IHOPKC on top of being a full-time wife. But I’m going to try to post once a week again. HOORAH!
Pray for me. I need it. : ) Thanks for reading and encouraging me to share the little golden nuggets God has given to me! Really appreciate your support! This blog has helped me remember the good God has done in my life and think less upon the “bad”/struggles that I’m still facing.
Every year on my birthday, I like to take some time to reflect upon what the Lord has done in my life in that year….at least I think I do. I may have missed a year here or there but I like to continue the tradition I believe I have. haha.
As I sat on my couch this morning to reflect upon this past year, tears of thankfulness poured down as my heart was overwhelmed with God’s goodness and faithfulness.
This past year, the Lord taught me how to trust Him and be thankful for the blessings He pours incessantly into my life.
Even as a believer, for so many years, I didn’t have faith in God’s goodness. This wasn’t a conscious choice of mine, but more of an innate and insidious way I lived. I was weary of the potential for negative things to occur. I saw lives and marriages falling apart all around me and had more faith in the darkness than in the light. So while I read my Bible and did all the good Christian things I knew I should do, I had a tight grasp upon my life believing I’m the only one responsible for making my life somewhat good.
Instead of holding God’s hands and trusting Him with my burdens as He invites me to, I protected my heart and life with all my might. I trusted my emotions and reasoning rather than God. I was double minded.
Of course, God was patient and still is with me. He slowly showed me what happened when I opened my clenched fists, put down the heavy burdens upon my back into His hands. As I took each baby step forward towards trusting Him, I began to feel lighter, I began to feel peace and joy….I began to receive rather than protect the laughable little trinkets I held onto. He helped me discover His goodness and my life hasn’t been the same since.
On top of that, the Lord introduced thanksgiving to me. Though seemingly small and easily dismissible act, the ramifications of thanksgiving are tremendous. I began to notice the little whispers of His love He spoke to me day in and day out. The leaves that He hung on the tree, overlapping and interwoven in that particular green that I love. The rays of sunshine streaming into my kitchen, greeting me in the morning with warm embraces.
Instead of clenching and clumping into a piece of coal, my heart began to unfold and trust the unseen rather than the seen, agree with God rather than live in separation and disagreement.
Thanksgiving restored to me the joy of my salvation. The joy of being a child of God.
Now this is a summarized version of everything the Lord has been taking me through this year, hopefully I’ll write a more extensive version. But I hope my testimony encourages you and sheds light in the dark places in your heart where you feel bound and hopeless. I was once there, but the Lord delivered me when I gave up on looking to myself and finally forfeited and looked to Him for strength.
This excerpt from Rick Joyner’s book “When God Walked the Earth” really encouraged me. Here, Jesus was speaking to James when he was struggling and feeling discouraged:
“It always hurts to have the darkness that you have been hiding in stripped away by the light. Even so, it is the path of freedom, and after you have been delivered the pain will have been worth it. You are with Me to help men come out of hiding, to remove that which which they have tried to cover themselves, so that they can stand before Me with nothing between us. Then I will cover their nakedness with light.
When you feel exposed, do not hide, but come to Me. The more that you learn you can trust Me, the more you will be willing to be exposed to My light. Trust cannot be forced. We must therefore allow men to walk by faith, not by force. True faith begins by coming out of hiding to be exposed to the light. True faith is to be willing to be naked, exposed, and venerable, knowing that I have not come to hurt you, but to help you. Faith in My intentions, and My power to help, is the most powerful force in the creation. You will learn this. It is more powerful than the pride of men or devils, and it will crush their strongholds over men.”