About to Leave….thoughts and stuff

As I was packing up our kitchen today, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad about leaving this place. Though a couple weeks back, some unanswered questions and unresolved issues tempted me to give into resentment, now a week away from moving to Asia and leaving this place, I feel that God has brought my heart to a much better place. 

This all took place within a week. First, Dustin’s mentor, Gary was in town last week to attend IHOPKC’s Israel Mandate conference. Something he said really stuck with me. It’s simple really, right there in the Bible waiting for me to remember again that God does work ALL things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Even though there are some loose strings that I’d rather have double knotted and tied to something solid, I’m choosing to trust that He is good and He’ll work the troubling things out for my good. 

Next, while reading Jack Frost’s book something he said struck me as well. He said that he started to be ok with with being broken and weak and that’s what helped him in his journey of healing. I’m not perfect and God’s not expecting me to be a finished product right now. 

Lastly, at my small group this past Tuesday, Becky shared a revelation she received that deeply blessed me. She said that there will always be people who are critical of us. But God calls us to look to Him and live before the audience of One, Him alone. I’m not called to live before man and make sure everyone likes me and is ok with the choices I make in my life. If that was the case, I’d be going nuts. 

Before all these words God spoke to me, I was preoccupied and overly consumed with the potential of people not liking me in Taiwan for some reason. Afraid that I’d fail and disappoint people. But the Lord continually reminds me that there is no place where I can hide from His presence. That though it’s dark and there are idols and temples everywhere in Taiwan, He IS STILL THERE with me! And everyday is a new opportunity to wake up to His voice singing loudly over me and take His hand to do that day with Him! 

Thank You Lord for these little nuggets. You always know what I need to hear!

Anointed Book on the Father’s Love: Jack Frost’s Experiencing the Father’s Embrace

I just picked up this book the other day and have already been deeply touched by its anointing to reveal the Father’s love. I’ve heard of Jack Frost from my friend a couple years back but recently, I’ve just been feeling that the Lord is taking me even deeper into His love for me as my Father so I picked it up.

If this is something you’re wanting to go deeper into, I highly recommend checking this book out. 

image

I also found some teaching videos of his on YouTube. They’re really good too! Hope these resources blesses your heart and takes you deep into Abba’s embrace!

Keeping My Palms Open to the Father’s Love

I’ve sometimes thought it was a blessing that my dads (both my stepdad and dad) are so uninvolved in my life. My mother’s way of loving me was enough in one sense to invade all the empty spaces my dads left behind both in a positive and negative sense. I needed at least a few parents to leave me alone and just let me be, or so I thought. 

image

But as I see other fathers in our community love and care for their children, the longings for the Father’s love are awakened. As I enter marriage, I see my own resentments toward my fathers manifest in the angry words and impatience I have towards Dustin. How quickly I would jump to the assumption and accuse Dustin of not caring or wanting to help me because that’s what I felt towards my fathers. 

One of our friends from Switzerland, often I would see him in the prayer room with his adorable French speaking daughters. Whenever they leaned over to whisper something in his ears or lean in for a hug, he would happily indulge them no matter what he was in the middle of. 

Another father in our community who is a gifted craftsmen, I would observe his genuine desire and excitement to help his children. Often, he would be working on a project in his children’s homes whether that be building a deck, staining their basement floor or sitting down with them when they need his guidance. His attitude towards the needs of his own children unveiled my heart to feel the truth of God’s heart towards me as a Father. 

I have grown too accustomed to the distorted reflection of the father. When my Heavenly Father is looking into my eyes, it’s still difficult for me to recognize Him standing before me with open arms. How often I would turn God down when He asks if I need help, not knowing that I am not a bother to Him but bringing joy to His heart. God, Abba truly DELIGHTS in helping me and making His power available to me, embracing me when I need to be reminded of His loving presence. He LOVES to help me! 

I know He is helping me, gently holding my hand as we walk deeper into His love for me as a Father. Help me receive freely from You Abba all that You love to give to me.

Even as we make this big move, at certain points, when I feel stressed and overwhelmed it’s still easy for me to give into the lie that Abba doesn’t care and doesn’t want to help me. But as I remember the favor and blessings He has already poured out upon us on our journey towards Taiwan, how He has paved the way, I see Him helping us. He has given Dustin a resident visa though I only applied for a visitor visa for him. He’s brought great renters who I can trust with our home (they’re painting our cabinets and building a deck out back for us!). He’s blessed us with finances for our move though we didn’t ask for it. He has even blessed me with some great additions to my wardrobe that I didn’t even think to ask for since I thought it was unnecessary. 

Yes, Abba, You know the longings, the desires of my heart even better than myself and You LOVE to help me. Help me to keep my heart and palms open to receive freely all that Your infinite love has for me.