This trimester has been a difficult one emotionally. I don’t know if it was all the hormones (double the estrogen since I’m having a girl) or just simply the fact that I’m facing a major transition in my life (probably a mix of both), but it’s been a doozy. But at the same time, I was pleasantly surprised by all the love people showed towards our baby and us.
Facing My Fears: 4 things that really helped me overcome them
During these past three months, my fears towards labor and motherhood were heightened. It doesn’t help that I live in a country where there is a lot of fear surrounding birth and motherhood. I tried many things to help me get over these fears that kept hanging on for a good month or so. I tried googling for other moms who went through the same things during their pregnancy. I tried to give it to the Lord in prayer. I tried talking it out with my husband. I tried messaging other moms on FaceBook asking for their advice on how they overcame their fears. But ultimately I found what really helped me overcome these fears was talking about them with an older woman who has been there and done it all before.
I skyped my good friend and mentor Becky. After talking to her about my fears regarding the pain I would inevitably face during labor and delivery, peace began to enter into my heart. I think what every preggo mama needs and wants to hear from their moms and other women in their lives is, “everything is going to be alright.” Sounds simple enough right?
But here are the four things that really helped me including the one I just mentioned above:
- 1. Talking to an older woman who has the peace of God:
Talking to Becky who has had five kids herself and helped her own daughters in their labor was REALLY helpful. Not only did she give me solid answers that were backed by both experience and knowledge, they were founded upon her faith in the Lord. There have been plenty of people who gave me advice that were fear based rather than faith based, i.e. “if you don’t rub some olive oil on your belly you’ll end up having stretch marks for the rest of your life!” or “It hurt so much, I’m not ever having another baby again!” Not the things you want to hear when you’re already freaking out yourself. So I would encourage you to find someone like this or ask the Lord to bring someone like this into your life.
- 2. Educate yourself:
Becky told me that what causes fear the most is the lack of understanding and knowledge. I’ve been reading multiple books that are helping me be mentally prepared and know what is going to happen in the process and also what will help me get through it successfully. I feel much better now that I know what is going to happen and what to expect. You can also take some childbirth classes with your spouse to help prepare you. The books I’ve been reading are: Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, The Other Baby Book: A Natural Approach to Baby’s First Year and The Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby & Child Care.
- 3. Hear from other moms:
It’s helped me to just watch other mom’s pregnancies, birth and postpartum recovery on YouTube. The two I watch are Mama Natural and also ItsJudyLife. Seeing how they went through the entire process of pregnancy, birth and then caring for their newborn just really helped reassure me that others have done this before and it’s going to be ok!
- 4. Connect with God’s Heart:
However the Lord has made you to encounter Him and hear Him, take time to connect with His heart towards you. I had an inner healing session with my friend Claudia via Skype to process some of the fears I was facing regarding motherhood and the encounter with God was so so powerfully healing! In it, God showed me how my baby is an orb of light. Rather than something that would drain me (which was my fear apparently), our daughter is a gift from God, full of the light and life of God which will not only bless me but also bring healing into my heart. God always know what our hearts need to hear, He loves to nourish us with His truth that sets our hearts free!
Blessings: People’s love for our baby and us!
One particular day where I was just having the worst day possible, a friend I met through FaceBook came into town and brought me a butt-load of baby stuff from American that my friend Rosanna had sent her. She basically gave me her whole entire cloth diaper stash and some great swaddling cloths, a Moby and lots of other well loved baby stuff. Just going through all that made me tear up and reminded me of God’s faithfulness to my heart.
Being able to chat with my good friend from college, Ahyoung who is also preggers, has helped me a lot as well. Swapping stories of warnings and emotions of Asian moms to how our nursery is coming along helped make the pregnancy fun for me.
People congratulating us, excited for our baby girl, sending us gifts, bringing us these gifts from America (we’ve had 5 people so far volunteer to bring us baby stuff from America!!)…has made me remember how God provided for our wedding….remembering once again He is my good good Father who gives good good gifts to His children.
What about you? How did you face those emotions during your pregnancy? How did you overcome the fears?