One of the greatest fears I’ve had to confront during my pregnancy is the fear of motherhood. The fear that I wouldn’t be enough for my child. The worries of failing my baby. The fear that we would have a bad relationship or that she would have a painful and bad childhood.
Most whom I’ve spoken of this to immediately respond with affirmations of the good mother I will be, which is comforting. But despite all those affirming words from friends, I still can’t seem to shake off these fears.
As I was sharing these worries with my friend Becky via FaceTime this morning, the Lord shed some light through our conversation. She shared that as a first time mom, the framework of what we think motherhood will be like comes mostly from what we experienced from our own mothers. If we did not have a good experience with her, most likely it would bring about some negative emotions as we anticipate the birth of our child. How right she was.
Though I love my mom and know she did her best raising me, it was difficult for her to raise me as a single parent in Taiwan. In addition, she’s yet a Christian so she didn’t have the support system nor the Holy Spirit to help her.
During my second trimester, I couldn’t help but think back to some of the painful memories I had as a child. Perhaps my hormone levels heightened these emotions, but at times I felt so worried and afraid I didn’t know what to do. Sometimes I would just share these fears and memories of the past with Dustin and just have him hold me as I cried.
Now just entering into my third-trimester, these worries and fears have faded a bit but they still remain and surface every once in awhile. Yet Becky reminded me this morning that there is the promise of deliverance and healing from the Lord through childbirth. She shared how each time she gave birth, she felt delivered from something in her life that had previously held her back.
She shared that one time she prophesied over a pregnant woman that there were some fears that have held her back, but the Lord will bring deliverance through the child. Of course much of what the Lord does isn’t a complete removal of all our fears, but a step in the process of our sanctification. Taking us from increasing glory to glory, from strength to strength. A couple years later, this same woman shared with her how her prophetic word came true!
As Becky shared all this, I remembered the verse from 1 Timothy 2:15 (NLT), “But women will be saved through childbearing, (or will be saved by accepting their role as mothers, or will be saved by the birth of the Child.) assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness and modesty.” I love the notes that’s included in my New Living Translation of this verse, “will be saved by accepting their role as mothers, or will be saved by the birth of the child.” It reminded me yet again of the truth that there is peace is surrender. Surrender to God’s will for us as women, our role as women in the family and the process of childbirth for it brings us true life, peace and joy in Christ.
I looked up the original Greek of “saved” in that verse and it’s sozo. The definition most fitting to the context of this verse was of course not salvation from our sins, for it is through faith in Christ which we are saved, not through our works. But another definition of sozo (saved) is defined as to cure, heal and restore to health (Matthew 9:21, 22, Mark 6:56). I believe there is a promise in this verse the Lord has for women, that through childbirth, there is an invitation, a blessing of healing and restoration to health, to the freedom and knowledge of His love, freely receiving His grace that’s available for us.
This promise brings much comfort to my heart as the day of my baby’s arrival into this world draws near. Another reminder from Becky also brought much comfort to my shaken heart. She said that what I experienced with my mom is only a foundation from which Dustin and I will build from. It is not the end all. When I don’t know what to do, she said to simply ask the Holy Spirit, the Living God that dwells within me to lead me to all truths and to teach me. Yes Lord. I am not alone striving to raise a child, but You are ever with me. Your rod and Your staff they do comfort me.
I’m so thankful for mothers who lead us to truth and washes us with the water of His Word. I pray that I too will grow in wisdom and ability to lead other young women in this way, especially my own children. I also pray that wherever you’re at, whether pregnant, married or single, that the Lord will reassure you of His promise to deliver you and save you from your fears and struggles.