Pregnancy, infant loss and infertility was foreign to me a few years ago. It was something I was afraid of.
Even during that time, I would read stories my friends and acquaintances’s loss on social media. I started to hear the pain of it and how to help comfort parents who have experienced loss.
A couple of months after our MOPs (mothers of preschoolers) hosted a speaker for infant and pregnancy loss, I experienced the darkness of losing a baby.
I miscarried at fourteen weeks, just two weeks after we announced it to everyone.
What I so appreciate about American culture is that we talk about hard issues like this. In Taiwanese and Chinese circles….I’ve been on the receiving end of some of the most hurtful comments in our journey of trying to conceive after loss.
Despite the fact that this is one of the most common pregnancy complications and that one out of four pregnancies end in loss this topic is still taboo.
In American culture and even more-so in Chinese culture this isn’t something that’s commonly talked about.
During the darkness of wrestling through my own loss, my friends who knew how to comfort me truly helped to lift the heavy load of grief.
They unabashedly asked me, “how are you?”
They would message me with empathy after witnessing me trying to balance joy and my own grief during a pregnancy announcement.
They would pray for me after I told them of another month of deep disappointment.
That’s why it was important to me to create something to educate Chinese speakers how to comfort those who walk through pregnancy and infant loss.
When women open up and talk about their loss, when we learn how to be there for those who are hurting, we can shine light into their darkness. We make comfort and openness be the norm instead of shame and loneliness.
If you have been through loss, I pray that loved ones will come and help carry you through this dark time. I pray that you know, the sun will shine again. I pray that you still smile on the days when it’s not so heavy.
I see you. You’re not a burden. You’re not alone.
Please help by sharing this with others who need to see this and be reminded that they’re loved in the midst of their grief.
Resources for Those Grieving & Caring for Those Grieving
- Share: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support: resources and support groups
- Earth Mama Organics resources for loss: resources, support groups, books for parents and siblings
- Laurel Box: gifts to care for the soul after loss